A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's George Washington's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that George told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Hillary Clinton's clock?" asked the man.
"Hillary's clock is up there", St. Peter pointed, "We're using it as a ceiling fan."
Go to maps.google.com, enter in directions from New York, NY to Paris France.
Read line 24
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway.
Absolutely nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?" "Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Dick Cheney, and George Bush. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise They are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are Going from car to car, taking up a collection." The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a gallon".
Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says,
"Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "Well .... the light was on..."
Hans and Stein were playing in their yard in Zurich when one of the boys accidentally swallowed a coin and started choking.
Hans ran inside to get help, "Mamma! Pappa! Come quick! There's a Franc in Stein!"