Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Chasing Pebbles

Heidi's got a good post. Check it out...

I learned how I could control and hurt by what I offered and what I withheld. I demanded of him when his body made demands his morals couldn't condone. I found that shame hurts worse when it comes from love comprimised.

It has taken me a long time to understand being alone and powerful is merely an illusion. Then I didn't understand I had created my own solitary place. I can see now how isolation sucking at the fringes of my sanity drove me to seek comfort in dark and desperate places.

I remember a type of power to hurt and punish. Now I try to find the power in hope and love to heal.

Our lives can be lessons.

Or we can hide them away in dark closets. Collecting dust. Parasites feeding on the shame of our wretched behavior.

If we hide, we doom ourselves to repeat the same song over and over and over and over....

And we never grow up.